CRAP!!!!!!!!!
It's been half of forever! The ink still isn't dry! How come someone who won't even talk to me is the only thing I can think of. How come I have to hear her name every fucking time I'm starting to fall asleep. A whisper of something that I will never have, ever! God is a bully with a magnifying glass and the world is an ant hill. Why on earth would he show me something so wonderful and snag it away. Just a taste of heaven before cutting the wires and sending me plummeting into hell. Damn it! Damn it! I want to write of cloned angels and fallen goddesses but now whenever I put my pen to paper all I write about is a young girl who told me all the things I wanted to hear. Someone who seemed to give a shit about me until it actually mattered. She made so many promises to me and they were all lies. But, I believed them all and like a fool I keep believing that somehow this is all a test. That if I want something bad enough that I will get it. Let me tell you all something. THAT is a fucking lie! If anyone has ever wanted something more than I wanted this then I am a highly intelligent dog with thumbs who is typing right now. Bark!
God has burned me with his magnifying glass over and over again but I kept on moving because everyone kept telling me that it would be worth it. I held out for that girl that drove me crazy and who I actually connected with. I found her like a Hollywood fairy tale filmed in high digital gloss! The Turtles playing in the background as we kiss for the first time with a ear pounding, gut wrenching, tear jerking rendition of "Happy Together". And let me tell you brother it was worth it. It was so worth it just to hold her in my arms for a moment and to look up at the stars with her laying against me was worth every ounce of pain. Worth every fall and every time I was told I couldn't do something because God decided to burn me good before I was even born. Her scent made twenty-two years of loneliness seem like a day that passed a long time ago. Her touch made me see a future with her and only her where I could be happy and she could be happy. But all that Hollywood gloss is just utter bullshit. I won't win in the end, I can't do anything but lose when a sick fucker with a magnifying glass thinks its funny to see me fall down. Thinks it's funny to give me the only thing besides super powers that I'd ever asked for and like a jackass pull the chair out from under me as I was sitting down.
I'm completely alone and she obviously hates me! What did I ever do but love the girl and she hates me! I was her friend when she needed one and she hates me! When she broke my heart and asked me to leave I did. I didn't try to find her, I didn't try to be friends with people close to her so I could infiltrate her life, I didn't stalk her. I didn't show her that I cared in that really creepy way. I tried to respect her decisions and cry my tears in private. But, it turns out I she lied to me and I really shouldn't care about this girl. But, I can't fucking get her out of my mind. She claws at the back of my eyeballs like a bad hangover and sends my fingers tick-tapping so that only she appears on blank sheets of paper. A mosaic of sentence fragments and expressions of pain for her. There are you happy? You made me sad. You told me you loved me and then tossed me aside. I may not be the best looking guy but I'm still human and not some dog you can beat. There you win! I'm bloodied and you are off probably with someone new. Telling them how special they make you feel. It's never like the movies, I only got that one taste because I had accepted being alone, now I don't. Now I'm in hell because I know that there is room for something better. Before I lived the same way but didn't really know that someone could love me. THERE!!!!!!! I rambled and I ranted and THAT is my fucking soul! I bleed you out of me! Get the fuck out of me! You're a sickness in my veins and in my heart! Your touch was the cure to all my pains but your absence is the poison that will be my end. Now I've said my piece and hopefully these words were what was left of you in my wound. I give you up and maybe now you won't hurt so much. Because wanting something doesn't make it happen and loving someone doesn't make them love you back. I only wish that I had a picture of you to put in my box so that twenty years from now I can laugh at my self for loving you. Hopefully because I found someone better, someone who could compare, someone who could blow you away. Little girl with big lies, ruining my life with a sad smile.
*sigh*
God has burned me with his magnifying glass over and over again but I kept on moving because everyone kept telling me that it would be worth it. I held out for that girl that drove me crazy and who I actually connected with. I found her like a Hollywood fairy tale filmed in high digital gloss! The Turtles playing in the background as we kiss for the first time with a ear pounding, gut wrenching, tear jerking rendition of "Happy Together". And let me tell you brother it was worth it. It was so worth it just to hold her in my arms for a moment and to look up at the stars with her laying against me was worth every ounce of pain. Worth every fall and every time I was told I couldn't do something because God decided to burn me good before I was even born. Her scent made twenty-two years of loneliness seem like a day that passed a long time ago. Her touch made me see a future with her and only her where I could be happy and she could be happy. But all that Hollywood gloss is just utter bullshit. I won't win in the end, I can't do anything but lose when a sick fucker with a magnifying glass thinks its funny to see me fall down. Thinks it's funny to give me the only thing besides super powers that I'd ever asked for and like a jackass pull the chair out from under me as I was sitting down.
I'm completely alone and she obviously hates me! What did I ever do but love the girl and she hates me! I was her friend when she needed one and she hates me! When she broke my heart and asked me to leave I did. I didn't try to find her, I didn't try to be friends with people close to her so I could infiltrate her life, I didn't stalk her. I didn't show her that I cared in that really creepy way. I tried to respect her decisions and cry my tears in private. But, it turns out I she lied to me and I really shouldn't care about this girl. But, I can't fucking get her out of my mind. She claws at the back of my eyeballs like a bad hangover and sends my fingers tick-tapping so that only she appears on blank sheets of paper. A mosaic of sentence fragments and expressions of pain for her. There are you happy? You made me sad. You told me you loved me and then tossed me aside. I may not be the best looking guy but I'm still human and not some dog you can beat. There you win! I'm bloodied and you are off probably with someone new. Telling them how special they make you feel. It's never like the movies, I only got that one taste because I had accepted being alone, now I don't. Now I'm in hell because I know that there is room for something better. Before I lived the same way but didn't really know that someone could love me. THERE!!!!!!! I rambled and I ranted and THAT is my fucking soul! I bleed you out of me! Get the fuck out of me! You're a sickness in my veins and in my heart! Your touch was the cure to all my pains but your absence is the poison that will be my end. Now I've said my piece and hopefully these words were what was left of you in my wound. I give you up and maybe now you won't hurt so much. Because wanting something doesn't make it happen and loving someone doesn't make them love you back. I only wish that I had a picture of you to put in my box so that twenty years from now I can laugh at my self for loving you. Hopefully because I found someone better, someone who could compare, someone who could blow you away. Little girl with big lies, ruining my life with a sad smile.
*sigh*
posted by Goddamn Batman at 1:13 PM
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