Why?
Why am I such a fucking loser? Today I woke up with goals in mind. I went around and I got things done. I'm even getting things done now because I told myself that I would write something for this blog. Now I thought I was going to be writing a story of some kind but instead I'm going to rant about how my life sucks. Today I went and did an interview for a job. Truly it's a video store clerk so it's not like it'll be some kind of dream job. But, I need employment now so badly that I would take anything that wasn't hard manual labor and that's only because I couldn't do that if I wanted to. Do, you know why I'm so freaking messed up right now that thoughts of suicide keep exploding in my brain? FUCK! FUUUUUCCCKK!!!
Mid-interview... my interviewer brought up the girl I fell in love with. Saying that her boyfriend cheated on her with that girl. Why the fuck do I need to know this? Of course she didn't know that I cared about her... and why should I be even the slightest bit jealous? I've already lost her.
Why?
Sometimes I don't think I could get any lonelier. But, then I get reminded of a time that I wasn't lonely. Well... a moment really. Why did I have to be happy? I could have just kept being hollow and it wouldn't be nearly as depressing as the lows I feel over someone who said they loved me 2 years ago. Just mentioning her name and that she was with some other guy... and all I want to do is burn the world with the furnace of my hatred. Instead I have to keep it inside and feel it burn me out. Until all that is left is a husk that was my frame.
Why can't I be happy with something simplier? All I want is someone to hold or just someone to care. I normaly try to keep anything personal in my private journal, and truly this isn't really meant for anyone to read. If someone does read this and feels lost or lonely... we're in this together. You'll never be alone because I'm here... and I fucking love you. Also, you can never be found unless you were lost at some point.
Now... I'm going to listen to french pop, eat a twinkie, and watch Sean Astin beat a guy to death with a baseball bat. Hobbit violence makes me less sad.
Mid-interview... my interviewer brought up the girl I fell in love with. Saying that her boyfriend cheated on her with that girl. Why the fuck do I need to know this? Of course she didn't know that I cared about her... and why should I be even the slightest bit jealous? I've already lost her.
Why?
Sometimes I don't think I could get any lonelier. But, then I get reminded of a time that I wasn't lonely. Well... a moment really. Why did I have to be happy? I could have just kept being hollow and it wouldn't be nearly as depressing as the lows I feel over someone who said they loved me 2 years ago. Just mentioning her name and that she was with some other guy... and all I want to do is burn the world with the furnace of my hatred. Instead I have to keep it inside and feel it burn me out. Until all that is left is a husk that was my frame.
Why can't I be happy with something simplier? All I want is someone to hold or just someone to care. I normaly try to keep anything personal in my private journal, and truly this isn't really meant for anyone to read. If someone does read this and feels lost or lonely... we're in this together. You'll never be alone because I'm here... and I fucking love you. Also, you can never be found unless you were lost at some point.
Now... I'm going to listen to french pop, eat a twinkie, and watch Sean Astin beat a guy to death with a baseball bat. Hobbit violence makes me less sad.
posted by Goddamn Batman at 10:57 PM
2 Comments:
man you must be having it tough.
On the plus side... I did get the job. Though it's killing my feet/legs.
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